All Change

‘If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.’ – Gail Sheehy.

‘A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.’ – Unknown.

I used to keep a diary. From August 2006 until April 2013, I kept one fairly frequently, usually writing in it at least once a week, but usually a lot more often than that. Reading it back now is hilarious, often cringe-worthy, but it is nice to have the memories and remind myself of the person I used to be.

I used to write this blog fairly frequently as well. However, if you’re eagle-eyed, you’ll notice that I’ve not written a post since October 2013. This is mainly because I haven’t been motivated in the slightest to write anything, which is a shame, but it’s the truth. So what has motived me to write something today?

Looking back through my diary, it’s interesting to see how much I’ve grown and evolved since 2006. Back then, in October, I was still a school girl, worrying about my A levels and which university I was going to go to. In 2007, I’d just started university and write that I was feeling homesick, although had met some great new friends and had had my first lectures, which were good. 2008 and 2009 refer to my second and third years at university, the start of the new year, Freshers’ Week and getting drunk. By 2010 I had my first boyfriend and my diary entry on the 14th October refers to my relief that the 33 Chilean miners who were trapped underground were all safely rescued. In 2011, I went to Croatia and saw Calvin Harris in October, and in 2012 my housemate and I went to Ghana for two weeks.

October has always seemed to be a busy month, with something new beginning or an adventure ahead. Last year, not a lot happened. I suppose it was the beginning of the spiral into de-motivation and lack of enthusiasm for my job. Both feelings grew worse over the winter and it is only recently that I’ve made a decision on the next big stage in my life. It’s time for a change.

Change.

The dictionary definition of ‘change’ is: to make the form, nature, content, future course etc different from what it is or from what if would be if left alone. I personally do not look forward to change, even if it is a change of my own doing. I like change once it has happened and I’m living with it and usually, enjoying it. Not beforehand when there are so many ‘what’s’ and ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ and ‘maybes’.

I am at that stage before my next big change, with all those questions buzzing around in my head. Whether I’ll enjoy it, if I’ve made the right decision… Because this October, October 2014, I will be doing something fairly radical with my life. On 14th October 2014, I will be boarding a plane bound for Auckland, New Zealand, via San Francisco. I’m going alone, and will be setting up a life in New Zealand for an undetermined period of time. My visa is for 12 months, with the option to extend it. Alternatively, I may travel elsewhere if it takes my fancy. I will come home eventually, but it’s exciting not knowing when exactly that will be.

So that will be this October. All change. Something completely new. And I cannot bloody wait!!