My Fear of Flying

‘Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.’ – Mary Kay Ash.

Although I love to travel and experience new places, I struggle
against one particular internal fear that I constantly need to conquer in order
for me to do what I enjoy the most. Okay, that sounds melodramatic, but bear with
me, because I think everyone battles some fears and worries before, during and
after travel, although we don’t always like to admit it. Everyone is different
too – my fear may not be yours, yours probably isn’t mine.

The biggest fear I have to overcome before I travel is my dread of
flying. I hate flying. I dislike most things about it, and I get extremely
anxious before and during the flight. I sometimes don’t even realise how
anxious I am until the flight has landed and I am disembarking, safe and sound,
still in one piece. It feels as though a weight is lifted from my shoulders. My
fear of flying has grown over the years. I never used to view it with
trepidation, but as the years have gone by, I get more and more worried and
worked up about it before I go anywhere that involves getting on a plane.

The worst part for me is the take-off and landing. Kind hearted
strangers sitting next to me have taken it upon themselves to chat to me about
how we will be down soon and it’s all okay (as we flew into Auckland from
Christchurch in May) and I could barely bring myself to be civil towards them as
the plane banked and descended towards solid ground. When I’m nervous and
fearful, I’d prefer to be left alone to deal with that by myself than have
people chatter to me about how we are okay, the plane is fine etc etc. I feel
like telling them to just shut up already!!

Over time, I’ve developed a habit of scratching the skin on the back
of my right hand with a fingernail as we ascend or descend in an aircraft. It
distracts me a little, but leaves me with an angry red mark (even a blister
once!) that fades in the days to come. I’ve also been known to grab friend’s
hands unceremoniously if the going gets bumpy – one notable occasion being our
descent into Marrakech when I suddenly clutched at H’s hand hard as we hit a pocket
of turbulence which made the plane bounce and rock.

Basically, flying scares the crap out of me. In my opinion, it’s not
natural to spend hours on end sealed into what is essentially a metal tube that
is flying thousands of feet up in the air. However, there are the obvious
bonuses to flying – time to catch up on the latest movies (thanks in-flight
entertainment!) and of course, the wonderful views you often get when you look
out of the window (I always like to try and get a window seat if possible).

The reason I am writing this post now is because in the next couple of
months, I have to take no less than eleven flights. Eleven!! With a capital E!!
As you know, I’m going to the Philippines, which involves three individual
flights as I hop from country to country to get there (thanks Jetstar). Then we
have the internal flights to get between islands. Then my flight to UK which
includes a stopover in Qatar. And I have to come back to New Zealand, which
involves another long-haul flight with a stop in China. That’s not to mention
the two internal flights I am taking in New Zealand between Wellington and
Auckland – flying in and out of Wellington’s notorious airport, ranked the 6th most insanely dangerous airport in the world. I am already hoping against hope for calm days with zero wind. Wellington, with
no wind? Ha, a girl can dream!!

 When I think about all those
flights, the prospect makes my stomach flip with apprehension. It doesn’t help
when you see the bad things that could happen to you when you’re in the air
such as this and this and this. I try not to dwell on those things too
much, but when it happens it’s hard not to consider that it could be you, on
the very next plane you get on.

Weirdly, I don’t get such a terrible fear of flying when it’s in small
planes or helicopters. I’ve flown a plane in Wanaka and that was
actually a really enjoyable experience. Likewise, I didn’t really feel scared
when I jumped on a plane in Taupo to then jump out of it again at 12,000ft. Or maybe that was because I was more scared about the skydive
than the actual flight up? Who knows. Either way, it is definitely the larger
aircraft (the Boeing 747s of this world) that freak me out more than the
smaller ones.

I know this is an incredibly negative post. I am so glad that I’m in a
position where I can afford to travel and take those flights and enjoy seeing
some of the world, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I am scared
****less at the prospect of flying and in some respects, I can’t wait until
January 9^th comes and I’m back in New Zealand and I will have a
couple of months where I don’t need to fly again. In the meantime, I’ll carry
on trying to conquer my fear, although if I’m totally honest, I’m not sure that
will ever really happen!