Ka Kite Ano

In Maori culture, they don’t believe in saying goodbye. They like to believe they will always see someone again, because saying goodbye is too final and too sad. So instead of saying goodbye (Haere ra) they say ‘see you again’ or ‘Ka kite ano‘ (kai-key-tay-ah-no), which is much nicer.

When you travel or live in a hostel like I do, with other travelers, you kind of have to get used to saying goodbye a lot. However, getting used to it does not mean it ever gets any easier. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it actually gets harder.

At the beginning of last week, I hopped back onto a Stray bus in Auckland to spend six days travelling the North Island with a bunch of people I’d never met before. There was the usual first night awkwardness, when all the questions about how long you’re travelling for, where you’ve been, what you’re doing next etc get asked. Those kind of conversations are standard among travelers and get really boring, really fast.

People had a bit of alcohol, some dinner, we sat around and expanded our conversation repertoire. A quiz had been organised for us and as the competition hotted up, we lost more of our inhibitions and ended up having a good evening, with lots of laughter and fun. When we boarded the bus the next morning, we all knew a few more names, were chatting more easily and our shared experience from the night before meant we had stuff we could still laugh about.

Over the coming few days, as the shared experiences increased and we moved way beyond the realms of who was going where, when, what next and so on, the group became very close knit. I’ve traveled before with Stray on the South Island and made some very good friends, but it felt different this time. We were the original bunch on the bus – on the South Island, me and a few others had joined the original North Island bunch in Picton and although we all got on really well, there was always a slight divide between the North Island originals and the South Island additions (in my opinion).

By the time we got to Blue Duck Station on the fourth day, we were pretty close knit and our drunken night that night only served to bring us closer. We were friends now, with in jokes to laugh about, catchphrases that everyone knew and good camaraderie. We shared travelling stories, talked about our ‘old’ lives back home, shared the reasons why we’d decided the travel, laughed at the photos of us, chatted about the activities we’d done that day, moaned about how expensive New Zealand is…

It was in the back of my mind all along that I only had six nights with these people. No matter what, I had to get off the bus in Wellington to go back to work. It sucked but that’s just how it is. Travelling with Stray is weird – time seems to warp. It flashes past in the blink of an eye, on minute you’re in Auckland and the next you’ve arrived in Wellington, or Queenstown, or Christchurch, or wherever you’re getting off, but when you look back or forwards and think about what you’ve done or what is to come, it feels like an age has passed. So those six nights went by very quickly, but at the time it seemed like it was such a long time and we packed so much in, it tricked us into thinking we’d been on the bus longer than six nights.

But six nights inevitably did pass, and early Monday afternoon found us driving into Wellington. I was dropped off at my hostel and was back, suddenly, home. It felt weird not being in the group anymore. It felt weird being back, seeing my old friends. It was good to see my old friends and catch up on all the hostel gossip from the past month. And it was sad because some of my friends at the hostel had left whilst I was away. Like I said, saying goodbye never gets any easier, however many times you have to do it.

We had one last Stray bus night out. We danced on tables, played beer pong and downed shots. I tried to forget I had work the next day (although I downed three pints of water before bed to sober me up and ease any potential hangover) and enjoyed my last evening with my new friends. Saying goodbye when I left the bar was as horrible as I imagined – not only would I miss everyone, I was also green-eyed with jealousy that they got to carry on having fun and I had work in the morning!!

Those goodbyes on Monday night were just a drop in the ocean. I’ve already said countless goodbyes in the past eight months. I will, no doubt, have countless more to come. In just under two weeks, another one of my good friends in Wellington is leaving to travel and then head home. I’ll be very sad to say goodbye to her. But I know that as well as all the goodbyes, there will also be countless hellos too. There’ll be countless boring ‘where’ve you been’, ‘how long are you in New Zealand for?’ conversations. There’ll be countless new friendships with new people.

That’s the great thing about travel. For every goodbye (and there are so many!) there is also a ‘hello’ and a whole new friendship waiting to begin. It’s remarkably easy to make friends on the road, or whilst living in a hostel. Everyone is in the same boat. Everyone knows how boring the initial travelling conversation is, but we do it anyway to break the ice and get to know someone, to start a new friendship. Some friendships we know will last only whilst the person is there in front of us. Others will endure for years to come, wherever we are in the world. There are some people on the Stray bus who I liked very much, but I know I’m unlikely to see them again, or even really speak to them. Then there are others who I know I want to see again and I’ll make every effort to stay in touch with. It’s the same at the hostel, it’s the same when I’ve traveled alone, I know it’ll be the same in the future.

So yes, goodbyes suck. They’re the worst and they will definitely never get any easier. But if you’ve made friends with the right people, the goodbye won’t be forever and you’ll soon be saying hello again. And in the meantime, there’ll be heaps of new people to meet, to say hello to and to have friendships with. It’s a never ending cycle which can be tough at times but is, ultimately, one of the best things about travel. You end up having friends around the world, a network of people you can meet up wherever you might be. A worldwide family. And I, for one, think that is pretty bloody awesome!! Ka kite ano everyone!!