Just Keep On Growing

‘The key to success is to keep growing in all areas of life – mental, emotional, spiritual, as well as physical.’ – Julius Erving.

It’s been a year since I announced I was going to be leaving the UK
and coming to New Zealand for an indefinite amount of time. I couldn’t possibly
have known then how this beautiful country would steal my heart and how I will
always now have a piece of me here. Even when I leave, I know I’ll come back
here time and again, because one trip to New Zealand (even one that is 12
months or more!) is just never enough. I’ll always want more.

I’ve learnt a lot in the past year. I wanted to write a post about
what I’ve learnt, how coming here has developed me, made me try new things and
helped me to grow.

Talking to
strangers isn’t weird

Sure, I would still get funny looks and possibly ignored if I started
chatting to people on the Tube in London, but I’ve come to realise in the past
nine months of living in NZ that talking to strangers is not as weird as you’re
made to believe it is. In this day and age, people are discouraged from a young
age not to talk to strangers. That’s fair enough – there are dangerous people
in the world and it’s reasonable to not want a kid to chatter away to someone
they don’t know for fear that something bad might happen to them. But if you’re
travelling, there’s not really any option but to talk to strangers, simply
because at some point you’re going to want to make friends, establish a network
in the country you’re in and, well, ask for directions, pick up fellow travellers
to help share the cost of fuel and to provide some company on car journeys,
have dinner with… The list goes on.

The way I see it, instead of struggling to understand the hand-drawn
map with the indistinct writing on it, why not ask a passer-by where the
attraction you’re trying to locate is? Most people will be helpful, friendly
and some will even go as far as to take you to your destination. Or when you’re
cooking dinner in the hostel, why not strike up a conversation with the person
next to you who is cooking some exotic looking dish? You might even get a
taste! The thing I’ve come to realise is that the majority of people, as I’ve said before aren’t monsters, or scary, or weird. They’re just like
you – helpful, friendly and willing to lend a hand where needed. And the best
thing about saying ‘hello’ to a stranger? That stranger might become your next
friend!

I can beat
homesickness

From a young age, I’ve struggled with homesickness. I distinctly
remember spending several nights at my grandparents’ house, crying myself to
sleep each night because I missed my parents. When I was in uni, I coped okay,
but that was mostly because I still got to spend quite a bit of time at home
during the holidays. When I moved to London, I found it really hard and struggled a lot with homesickness, and after that, I was kind of put off living away from home for a
while, which is a shame. I got really nervous before I went to Ghana for two
weeks in 2012 because I honestly thought I’d have a rough time of it again,
missing home and my parents and so on. Actually, Ghana was great and I only got
homesick once and I had a SIM card where I could call home so it turned out
pretty sweet in the end. I’ll write more about Ghana in the future…

Anyway, coming to New Zealand was a big deal for me because I knew I
would get homesick and there would literally be nothing I could do about it. I
chose the corner of the world furthest from my home for that very reason, in
many respects – if I got homesick, I couldn’t just nip home. I would be forced
to ride it out and get over it. I’m extremely proud of the fact that I have
coped remarkably well with bouts of homesickness whilst living here. They come
every couple of months now (they used to come more often) and I get withdrawn,
quiet and a bit (actually, a lot) grumpy for a day or two. Then, as suddenly as
it comes, the homesickness disappears again and I’m back to normal.

Beating homesickness has helped give me to confidence to realise I can
go anywhere in the world and I will be okay. It’s normal to miss home and
family and friends, you’d be weird if you didn’t miss them. But it is good to
know I can now cope when homesickness hits, and I don’t need to worry about it
too much anymore.

I think
about Number One a bit more

It was M who pointed out to me a while back that quite often I’m too
considerate of other people’s feelings and I should do what I want to do (you
know, within reason – I don’t think she was advocating I go rob a bank or
anything). She made a good point. I am responsible for my own happiness. It’s
my life. If other people don’t like what I do with my life, that is their
problem and not mine. I need to consider myself a bit more than perhaps I used
to – after all, I can’t please everyone all the time, and I shouldn’t even try
to. If I am happy with my life and the way it is progressing, then I shouldn’t
worry about what other people think.

I have been trying to apply this philosophy to my everyday life since
then, and I do feel more relaxed and less anxious about keeping people happy
than I used to be. I work on the principle that if I’m happy, then I’m able to
give more back to the people around me, which in turn fosters good
relationships and everyone benefits. Whilst everyone interacts and impacts on
other people’s lives, both negatively and positively, we are all each
individually accountable for our own lives and only we, ourselves, can decide
how we want to live them.

Sharing
food is not as bad as I thought…

One of my best friends at home, L, can testify that I used to be
completely bloody awful at sharing my food. Really, really shit. There’s been a
few incidents when I’ve been unwilling to share my food in a Joey from Friends
style way and she’s called me out on it. Still, I never really changed until I
came away from home.

I can thank H, M and R for helping me learn the beautiful gift that is
sharing my food. In a hostel where communal meals are a fairly common thing,
it’s hard not to learn to share, and they really helped me along with that
(cheers guys!! *wink*). Nowadays, I will happily browse a buffet and not
feel like the food is ALL mine. I’ll happily give people a chip or two, hell,
I’ve even started offering people glasses of wine from my bottle that I bought
specifically from me!! Now that’s progress.

Being
flexible is good

I’ve always been the kind of person who makes a plan and sticks to it.
I like to make itineraries for travelling and have been known to plan a trip
right down to the finest detail – researching restaurants to eat in, spending
hours browsing customer reviews of accommodation and checking out countless
activities before settling on the best ones, or the ones I want to do the most.
Then I went to the South Island in May and all that changed.

My itinerary for my self-drive tour in May took me from Nelson, down
the West Coast to Wanaka, then onto Queenstown, Te Anau, the Catlins, Moeraki
and finally to Christchurch where I was leaving the car. However, bad weather
meant that the West Coast flooded and I didn’t really fancy trying to navigate
the twisty roads and high mountain passes in heavy rain and high winds. The
possibility of landslips burying me didn’t appeal. So at the last minute, I
changed all my plans and did the trip completely differently. It went against
my grain but it turned out to be absolutely fantastic and definitely the best
decision I could have made, not least because I think I got only two days of
rain for the entire trip, in the end.

It turned out that the way I did the trip was actually exactly what I
needed – rather than driving every day, or every other day, I stayed longer in
fewer places and completely relaxed. It was great. And the added flexibility
meant that I could head to Queenstown sooner than I’d planned, so that I could
spend more time with my friend when she had some time off work. Perfect! Being
more flexible is definitely the best way to be.

I’m
definitely just a fussy eater, not a vegetarian

Since the age of 9, I kind of stopped eating meat. I had the odd blip
where I’d try a sausage or a burger or whatever, decided I didn’t like it and
revert back to full on non-meat eating. I went for years without meat ever
passing my lips! It made sense to call myself a vegetarian.

Recently, it makes less sense. I’m not ashamed to admit that if I
fancy some meat, I’ll eat it – steak, chicken, whatever. I tried pork and
chicken at the hangi we had at Lake Aniwhenua. I had a steak in
Queenstown with J and one with M, R and C before I went away in May. Just this
weekend gone, I ate a couple of chicken kebabs someone made at a hostel
gathering. And let’s not forget the infamous time I got high (sorry Mum) in
April, got incredible munchies and proceeded to polish off 3 burgers in
McDonald’s on my way home… I didn’t even remember eating them the next day, but
the missing $20 note from my jeans pocket told me all I needed to know. My
wonderful friends delight in re-telling the story when I ate the cheapest, most
disgusting burgers known to man…

I’ll eat meat if the fancy takes me – if I feel like I’m missing out
on something good. Mince and lamb still turn my stomach. If something looks
good, however, and people are raving about how great it tastes, I’ll give it a
go. So it is time I ‘fessed up – I’m not a vegetarian, I’m just fussy.

I can do
tax rebates without the help of my Dad

Money stuff has always been a bit of an issue for me. Saving, keeping
money aside for a rainy day, claiming tax back, understanding tax codes, that
kind of thing. I’ve always had my Dad to guide me through all that stuff and
encourage (tell) me to save and put money aside etc. He would help me sort out
my tax codes and he checked over my tax return form for me before I sent it off
last year to claim back my tax after I finished working. Super Dad!!

However, out here, it’s a bit different. It’s kind of hard for Dad to
help me out with all this stuff when he’s thousands of miles away. So I have to
do it myself. It makes life easier that NZ tax rebates are super simple (you
just need to go online and it takes about fifteen minutes) but there was still
a sense of achievement once I’d done it without a single grain of help from
him, or anyone else for that matter.

Same with saving – since I’ve come out to NZ, I’ve gotten a hell of a
lot better at it. Not perfect, but better. Sure, he reminds me occasionally
that I need to make sure I’m saving (especially after the events that occurred
when I initially arrived in Wellington) and that I keep money back
for times when I need it, but on the whole, I just do it myself and it’s much
easier than I ever imagined!

***********

So there you go. I’ve learned a lot in the past nine months being away from
home. It’s not always been easy – there’s been times when it’s been bloody hard
and I’ve wondered why on earth I came here and I’ve questioned my decisions,
but on the whole, I am having an absolute blast. I’m proud of the way I’m
developing and changing, thanks to the wonderful people I’ve met who have
opened my eyes a bit more and made me see grey in areas where perhaps before I
only saw black and white. I’m proud of the resilience that I didn’t know I had
before. I’m even proud of the little
stuff, like learning to share my food and doing my own tax rebate. I finally
feel like I’m becoming fully independent – and about time too, at the grand old
age of 26!