HTMW Quarterly Review: Q2 2020

‘Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.’ – Melody Beattie.

Q2 2020: the strangest quarter ever?!

Welcome to the second quarterly review on How The Mind Wanders…, looking back over Q2 2020! You’ll remember in my Look Ahead at 2020 that I made the decision earlier this year to cancel the Monthly Recap post series. I have cut back to four quarterly reviews instead. You can read my Q1 Review here.

Q2 2020 has been the strangest, most unsettling, weirdest time of my life to date. There have been some dark, difficult days and there have been some lovely days. COVID-19 has seeped into every single aspect of our lives and during Q2 2020 it well and truly took hold. Lock down held us fast at home throughout April and a lot of May. It was only during June that we really began to emerge, blinking into the light as lock down eased.

I’ve spent time adjusting my mindset to understand that life is not standing still. It’s not as though my life was paused, only to be restarted once lock down began slowly lifting. My life has continued throughout lock down, albeit an unusual, unexpected and different sort of life to the one I had originally planned. All travel was halted. I stayed in my flat in London with P for approximately 80% of the time. I left only to walk, buy food or, as the rules were relaxed somewhat, to sit in the park. I’ve read fourteen books, watched more TV than I care to remember, eaten more cheese than I care to admit and drunk less than I imagined I would.

A different approach to my Q2 2020 review.

With Q2 2020 being such a strange, difficult time, I won’t be approaching this review as I would normally. It’s hard to pinpoint highlights or low points as specifically as I would have if COVID-19 hadn’t struck. Life has not been so black and white during the last three months. Specific occasions have not happened for me to write about here. Things seem to have gone by in an incredible blur.

There have been rays of light I have felt incredibly grateful for that I will mention instead. And there have been days when I’ve not even wanted to crawl out of bed that I will write about here too. As my world, and everyone else’s, contracted and shrank, I hunkered down and rode it out. I hope to reflect my experiences here.

Q2 2020: Things to be grateful for.

The privilege afforded to me, as a white person, to be able to learn about racism and not experience it first hand.

In the wake of the horrific and shocking death of George Floyd on 25th May, I finally realised that it is not enough to be just non-racist anymore. I must be anti-racist and try to become a better ally to black people. As a result of this realisation, I am now in the process of educating myself as much as possible about racism and the inequalities black people face in our society. It has been an eye-opening, uncomfortable and thought-provoking journey so far. I’ve frequently found myself pausing to think over my actions (or in-actions!) of the past and have been brought up short and had my privilege checked on numerous occasions.

It seems important to me that white people should not depend on black people to educate them about racism. The onus is on us to educate ourselves and make space and time to do so. With this in mind, I’ve created a page of resources that I’ve found helpful in my ongoing education about racism. The authors, speakers and producers of the content I’ve shared on this page speak far more eloquently about racism, black culture, white privilege, black history, white fragility and many other related topics than I ever could. I have also shared some actions and ideas on how to help the Black Lives Matter movement. I aim to continually update this as I come across new educational resources to share.

My education continues as a priority. My role as a white person is to try and interrupt racism where I see it. The actions I take now and in the future will hopefully reflect my deeper understanding of racism in our society. I am committed to being part of the solution and movement towards equality, rather than part of the problem.

My wonderful friend and flatmate, P.

It is rare to find someone with whom you can be with day in, day out, and not end up wanting to kill them. I’m thankful that I have this kind of relationship with P. When we knew lock down was coming, it never even crossed my mind to up sticks and move back to Wales to see it out. I knew, deep down, that staying in London would be fine as long as P was there too.

Of course, in the depths of darkest lock down days, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. We live in a small flat with no outdoor space and being continuously in each others company, with little or no external stimulation, did take its toll at different points. However, we saw it through together and I am eternally grateful that I live with and have a friend like P.

P and I weathered the tough days, learned how to work at home together in general harmony and walked miles across London together when this was the only activity we could do. He lifted my spirits more times than I can remember and I hope I was able to do the same for him. We had quiet days, shit days, dull days and, dare I say it, fun days. Some of my favourite memories from lock down (is it weird to have favourite memories from this difficult time?!) came about because of P. I couldn’t have got through the past three months without him.

The wonders of modern technology connecting me to friends and family.

Much like the rest of the country, I did not see any of my friends or family in person for weeks apart from P. I am eternally thankful for the modern technology at our fingertips that enabled me to keep in close contact with my nearest and dearest.

I spoke regularly with my family via video (something we had never done before!) and participated in numerous quizzes (that lock down pass time favoured by many). I’ve spent many hours in the past quarter looking at a screen, with my face staring back at me from a group of other dear and familiar faces. I’ve seen far more of my face than I ever needed, or wanted! If COVID-19 had to come, then I’m grateful that it happened during a time when technology is available to help bring us closer together virtually, even when we’re miles apart physically.

A quieter city – something I never thought I’d see!

I’ve often wondered if I should one year spend a Christmas in London to experience the city during relative peace and quiet. Now, due to COVID, I don’t have to! The city was shut down during lock down, quieter than I’ve ever heard it and more peaceful too.

I walked through what would normally be some of London’s busiest streets to witness an eerie scene – pavements devoid of crowds, a few scurrying passersby the only other people around. I cycled for the first time ever through the city, enjoying the freedom on the roads as car numbers dwindled. In the mornings, I lay for a few moments and listened to the near silence outside. No cars, no buses, few sirens. Only the breeze rustling the leaves in the trees and birds calling.

Quiet, empty London to the scale we saw during lock down is probably a once-in-a-lifetime event. It felt like a deep breathe had been taken and held, the pause button was hit and the city took a time-out. To experience London during this time was almost special, and I’m glad I didn’t decamp to Wales so that I could witness London in this state.

My work, which has occupied my time and given my days structure.

I’m fortunate to work for a company that reacted quickly and decisively in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. I’ve been working from home since mid-March, with currently no plans (or pressure!) to go back to the office any time soon. During lock down, my work gave my days structure and ensured that I was never at a loose end. Yes, it’s been a busy time, but I can’t imagine how much more of a struggle lock down would have been if I’d not been working. The days would have felt endless!

Don’t get me wrong – there has been some adjustment required. Not spending time with colleagues in person has sometimes been tough. I do miss the office vibe and the change of scene going into work every day affords me. But on the whole, I’ve been grateful for my job, my work and the fulfillment it has given me in the past few months.

The warm, sunny weather, encouraging me outside even on the worst days!

The weather throughout lock down has been, for the most part, beautiful. Endless warm, sunny days. Cloudless blue skies. T-shirts, shorts, ice cream weather. I cannot imagine what a winter lock down would have been like! Despite the restrictions imposed during lock down, the mere fact that when we did step outside we had sunshine and warmth envelop us, made everything more bearable.

As life slowed down, I found myself noticing the season changes more. As spring gave way to summer, the leaves unfurled and green erupted in all corners. Flowers leaned over front garden fences, bright jewels interrupting our daily walks and bringing me a simple joy that I’ve never truly experienced before. When everything else in the world seems to be going to shit, the fact that nature carries on regardless and with such beauty makes my heart sing a little.

And on the worst days, those days when I felt sullen and lost and anxious and scared and angry at the world, the sunshine would beckon me out and, even if it were for the merest of minutes, things felt a little better again.

Deliveries from Borough Market and other stores.

With holidays, days out and other such pleasures out of the window due to lock down, I turned to food to get a mood boost a bit more often! One of my favourite things has been to receive a monthly Borough Market delivery including cheeses, pickles, olives, bread, doughnuts and other goodies. I’ve also been trying to support local businesses around Tufnell Park wherever possible.

I recognise I’m in a privileged position where I can still afford to buy myself treats and support local businesses. Receiving parcels, sometimes on a daily basis, has been a small source of joy during lock down and one I am reluctant to give up as things return to a new semblance of normal! The monthly Borough Market delivery is here to stay…

Opportunities to escape London as lock down has eased towards the end of Q2.

I have been situated in London for three months without leaving as lock down stopped all but essential travel. This is the longest single block of time I’ve spent in the city since I moved here in 2016. As the weeks passed, I grew increasingly antsy and I began to miss the countryside more and more. Finally, as lock down was slowly eased towards the end of Q2, I made my great escape.

We started small, with a day trip to Whitstable where we lounged on the beach at a socially acceptable distance and endured only a short hour long train journey out of the city. Next, I travelled further into Kent and hiked from Margate to Ramsgate with a small group of friends. Finally, in Q3, I will be taking a week of annual leave and, now that Wales’ restrictions are slowly easing, I’ll be escaping back to my parents house for some time in the countryside. I can’t wait!

Getting out of the city has felt exceptionally wonderful after three months in situ. For someone who has grown used to travelling frequently and exploring outside the city at least once a month, it was a strange period of time! I have no regrets, but being able to leave London again should I want to is an amazing feeling!

Q2 2020: The harder moments.

Cabin fever and more difficult days.

Of course there have been days in Q2 where things were not so good. Occasionally, I’d spend an entire day in bed, and not because I was hungover. It just felt like the safest and easiest place to languish as the virus took hold. There were days when I barely spoke and days where I didn’t leave the flat, no matter how bright the weather. It’s not surprising that some days, my brain just couldn’t cope with everything that was going on. I had several sullen, irritable, discontented days.

Invariably, I would perk up again a day or so later, trying to focus on the positives and keeping my mind occupied with other things. I don’t regret taking to my bed occasionally, eating junk food or indulging in crap TV. Anything, sometimes, to switch my mind off and feel a little better.

Not knowing when it will end and coming to terms with the fact life has changed irreversibly.

COVID-19 hasn’t just disappeared now lock down is easing. The virus is still out there. Life has changed, drastically, dramatically and perhaps irreversibly. I sometimes feel so angry that things have swerved so violently away from the ‘normal’ I knew before COVID. I wonder when I’ll start feeling better about the huge changes we’ve all been experiencing. For God’s sake, our freedom was pretty much entirely taken away from us for six weeks or more! It was necessary, but when you think about it, it’s also a little insane to look back on! Life is always going to be different now – there was a definitive before and now there’s an after.

I understand that, once again, I speak from a position of privilege. Thankfully, my life hasn’t been directly or massively impacted by COVID compared to others. But I do get frustrated and pissed off and stressed out about everything that is going on. The emotions I feel may seem selfish when compared to hardships and difficulties others are trying to overcome, all with COVID playing out in the near background. However, that doesn’t stop them being valid and real emotions. Along with everyone else, I’m processing a huge life event that I had no control over! Let’s try to be kinder to one another as we move forward into this new ‘normal’. We could all use a little more kindness and generosity of spirit!

A general lack of leadership and clear advice from the Government.

Don’t even get me started on Dominic Cummings and his trip to Durham.

I don’t want to launch into a scathing attack here or bang on about Johnson and his ineffective leadership right now. Thinking about it all makes me tired. It’s futile to go over what did and did not happen and what my thoughts are. What is done is done. We’ll never know any other outcome to the reality we experienced and now face moving forwards.

Needless to say, I’ve looked at other countries where COVID-19 has been tackled with more success and I’ve spent time feeling jealous that those countries have empathetic, strong and bold leaders who acted decisively and quickly to save lives. Here’s looking at you, Jacinda…

Posts in Q2 2020

The First Timer’s Guide to Exploring Dublin

A post offering tips, advice and ideas for people visiting Dublin for the first time, based on my experience there back in February 2020.

Train Travel: My Bucket List of Epic Rail Adventures

In which I outline all the train trips I am longing to take in the future, and why! Warning: this list is not exhaustive!

Turning Thirty in Doubtful Sound

The story (finally!) from my overnight trip to Doubtful Sound back at the beginning of 2019. I spent my thirtieth birthday in one of this beautiful wilderness and it was the most memorable birthday I’ve ever had.

Every Thought going through my Head during Lock Down

A slight tongue-in-cheek post about lock down and ‘every’ thought that went through my head during the last three months!

Books I read in Q2 2020

During Q2 2020, I’ve read fourteen books. In the first half of this year, I’ve read a total of twenty-nine books – a record! It’s not surprising given that we have been largely at home with a lack of distractions! I peaked in April, reading six books that month. My top three reads from Q2 2020 are reviewed below.

Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams. *****

What a book! I couldn’t put Queenie down and finished it within a couple of days. From page one, the story captivated me, so much so that I listened to it all over again on BBC Sounds only days later when I realised it was available as an (abridged) audio book! Queenie is a likable main character and I was quickly drawn into her world. She is a bold, complicated, diverse and feminist heroine.

Carty-Williams uses humour and fun to draw the reader in, and then starts delving into much deeper, tougher topics. The books explores ideas and themes around racism and anxiety and depression. Carty-Williams does not shy away from addressing awkward moments with candor and a lack of aversion to any embarrassment the reader might feel. Her writing is powerful. The humour in the book perfectly juxtaposes the more serious issues and it balances out the sadness.

This is a one hundred percent recommendation from me, and one of my favourite books of the year so far. Pick it up – you won’t be disappointed!

Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid. *****

I didn’t initially think about buying and reading this book when it popped up on my recommended list on Amazon. However, within a few pages, I was hooked and couldn’t put it down!

Without wanting to spoil the book, I was really pleased when Reid steers away from a typical, ‘happy ever after’ finish and gives Emira the ending she fully deserves. A key theme running through the heart of the narrative is the idea of white saviours. Emira’s boss, Alix, and the man who ends up being her boyfriend, Kelley, are the primary perpetrators of this complex. To varying degrees, both try to push help on Emira in a self-serving way. Reid negotiates this topic skillfully and the book is nuanced and layered.

I thoroughly enjoyed this read. Reid explores narratives around race and privilege in a fresh and interesting way, that left a lasting impact with me.

At The Pond: Swimming at the Hampstead Ladies’ Pond, compiled by Esther Freud, Margaret Drabble, and Sophie Mackintosh. *****

I read many books that transport me around the world, from New Zealand to Germany, India to North Korea and many other places besides. I adore reading about travel, other cultures and people and I often ‘explore’ the world all while sitting at home. However, from time to time, it’s nice to stay closer to home and this book has been on my to-read list for quite some time.

This is a collection of essays and short, non-fiction pieces of writing, all centered around the Hampstead Ladies’ Pond, which happens to be just up the road from where I live. It’s a quick and easy read. I loved finding out more about this slice of my local area in London. If you’re situated in North London and want to know more about Hampstead Ladies’ Pond (through all seasons), I’d highly recommend this book.

Some of the writing was absolutely delectable as well, with some beautiful prose hidden within these pages. Some of the pieces are almost dream-like, others are incredibly calming and yet more bring a frisson of unexpected energy. This collection made my determination to swim there soon even stronger!

And the other eleven books I read in Q2 2020…

• The Man Who Didn’t Call by Rosie Walsh. ****
• Around the World in 80 Trains by Monisha Rajesh. ***
• Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney. ***
• Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur. ****
• From Source to Sea: Notes from a 215-Mile Walk Along the River Thames by Tom Chesshyre. ***
• The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. **
• Never Greener by Ruth Jones. ****
• Trust Me, I’m a (Junior) Doctor by Max Pemberton. ****
• Bothy Tales: Footsteps in the Scottish Hills by John D. Burns. ***
• Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People about Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge. ****
• Where Does It Hurt? What the Junior Doctor did Next by Max Pemberton. ****

Top Three Instagram Photos from Q2 2020

My photos in Q2 2020 are from London and Kent, with throwback shots to New Zealand, Uzbekistan, Jordan, Bath, Nepal and Wales.

I choose these three images based on which got the most likes on Instagram and then tell the story behind the picture. Disclaimer: They are not necessarily my favourite photos!

Back Beside The Sea – Kingsgate Bay, Kent.

My first long walk outside of London in three months. An overcast, occasionally rainy day, with a chip shop lunch and a salt tang on the air. We hiked along breezy cliff tops and descended almost to the shoreline, trudging across sandy beaches and listening to the sounds of the sea. Gulls mewling. Waves curling over and licking the shore. A gust of wind disturbing tall grasses that bowed and rippled under stronger force. The summer flowers were in full bloom. As we progressed, the tide dropped ever lower. Halfway between Margate and Ramsgate, I captured this image, my favourite of the day, summing up exactly what is so beautiful about the Kent coastline.

Bird on a Boat – Doubtful Sound, New Zealand.

To coincide with the publication of my article ‘Turning Thirty in Doubtful Sound‘, I posted this image on Instagram. When I took this photo, the world around me was quiet and peaceful. The sun cast an orange glow over the scene through murky, low-hanging clouds. I wandered across the decks, taking several photos, soaking up the silence, trying to commit the moment into my memory indelibly. The water was glassy, mirror-like, reflecting the cliffs and mountains that overshadowed us on all sides. I felt incredibly privileged to be there, to spend a milestone birthday in such a beautiful place. It’s an experience I will never forget.

Sunset over the Canal – Camden, London.

We walked miles during lock down, covering much of North London. Our nearby streets and roads became incredibly familiar to us and yet they felt so different to normal. Usually clogged with people, Camden Lock was eerily quiet and still on the evening I captured this image. The orange glow in the sky reflected in the canals tranquil waters, the weeping willow softened the scene and, with the area devoid of its normal crowds, I knew I had to preserve the moment. I wrote the following caption underneath:

‘Empty. Quiet. Waiting for the tourists to come back and waiting for us to come back. And we will. We will eat food from around the world again, shop at Cyberdog and explore the labyrinthine passages of the old horse hospital turned world famous Camden Market. We will fill the bars and pubs, flock to the canal towpath in our droves and Camden will heave again. But for now, we stay home to save lives. And Camden holds its breath. Empty. Quiet. Waiting.’

My Favourite Image: Q2 2020.

As I walked endless back streets near my flat during Q2 lock down, flowers and other people’s gardens gave me endless, simple joy. I enjoyed watching the seasons flow from spring into summer. Daffodils and bluebells gave way to the purple wisteria and blush pink and blood red roses. During one such walk, I took this photo of what I’ve decided is the most perfect rose. A simple image, but it is my favourite from the last quarter for the simple fact it reminds me of the small things to be grateful for. Other people’s gardens and beautiful blooms.

Coming Up in Q3 2020

Oh so slowly, life seems to be getting back to ‘normal’. I am heading back to Wales for a week’s holiday in July and have a couple of other trips planned within the UK. They’re short breaks – a long weekend in Essex and potentially another in Scotland. There’s also the scheduled mystery trip to celebrate our parents’ birthdays in September (the destination is a surprise, all will be revealed!).

I’m not sure how the next quarter will play out. COVID-19 is still very much a part of life and will have an ongoing impact for months to come, in my opinion. I have no desire to travel overseas for the remainder of 2020. I’m happy to take life as it comes and get to grips with this ‘post-COVID’ world that we now occupy.

Why not follow along and find out what I get up to in Q3 on my Instagram!