Hitting reset in Nepal

‘The only way out is through.’ – Robert Frost.

For five days and four nights, we didn’t have access to the internet in Nepal. It was exactly what I needed – a clean break from the outside world and the pressures of my ‘real’ life. A chance to for me to hit the reset button.

Being in the present.

While hiking, there is little else to think about except the very present that you’re in. Putting one foot in front of the other, watching your step to avoid slips and trips, getting from A to B, food. The world beyond your next step fades and is put right to the back of the mind, to be dealt with once more when we return to civilisation. It is a release, to be free of the internet and the world beyond our current existence. On the day we finished the trek and drove back to Pokhara, I almost didn’t want to return. I almost wanted to carry on living in the bubble we’d created for those five days.

Looking back over the past six months or so, I feel like I’ve had a bit of a tough time. To outsiders, it may seem like I’ve been fine. And in the grand scheme of things, I’ve obviously been better than many. However, I have allowed glimpses through my monthly recap posts on this blog, and close friends and family will know that I was struggling with some anxiety during those months.

There was no giant catastrophe or event that triggered my anxiety.

More, a series of events that led to my anxiety and, now that I look back, there were a few months where I spent most of my time feeling miserable, sad and generally stressed about every aspect of my life. On top of that, I actually felt guilty about experiencing those emotions as well, particularly around sharing them with others. I spoke mainly with E, who was, is and always will be, wonderful, but many of my other friends and even family members don’t know the full extent to how shit I actually felt.

The run up to Nepal felt like it took forever, and even a few days before we flew, it still felt like the trip was months away. I didn’t realise, but that complete escape for the five days we were without WiFi, and the tough mental and physical challenge I put myself through, were exactly what I needed. I finally got some head space to recognise and appreciate how I’d been feeling in the months running up to the trip.

Coming out the other side and hitting reset.

I can write this now because I’m feeling much more positive. Circumstances have changed and I’ve brought myself to a better place. I’ve got a new home with one of my best friends, and the stress of finding somewhere to rent in London has melted away. Some difficult emotions I was experiencing over Christmas and New Year and into January have gone, replaced with some clarity and relief that I no longer have to deal with a constant turmoil of confusion and miscommunication. My job is finally morphing into something more challenging and engaging, a role that could shape my future career.

In short, I am coming out of the other side of a rough patch in my life where everything seemed to crap on me all at once. I am stronger having faced it (mostly) head on. Believe me, there were times when I literally wanted to pack it all in and run away… Staying put, though, and navigating my way through was the best decision I could have made. Throwing in the towel and escaping, rather than facing, my struggles would have set me back in the long-run, in all aspects of my life.

Going to Nepal finally allowed me the escape I’d been craving for months, but at the right time.

My trip allowed me to completely relax, switch my brain off to everything except the present and hit the reset button. I’ve come back feeling happy, chilled out and ready to face what I’m now viewing as the next period in my life. I feel powerful, determined and strong right now. I really want to prove myself and keep moving forwards, challenge my own self-confidence and push my boundaries.

I have no doubt that life will throw shit at me again in the future, and I’ll have other difficult times to deal with. But having ridden out that particularly crap time in my life, and knowing I can pull through and make it to the other side is really reassuring. Nepal has shown me that escapism is good and often necessary, but at the right time and done in the right way. I wasn’t burying my head in the sand when I finally went to Nepal. I was just recharging, ready to come back feeling better about life and with a will to thrive in the future.

Keep your eyes peeled for stories about my time in Nepal – coming to the blog very soon!