Following Your Gut

‘Learn to let your intuition – your gut instinct – tell you when the food, the relationship, the job just isn’t good for you (and conversely, when what you’re doing is just right).’ – Oprah Winfrey.

I have spent two days this week on a training course called Advanced Communication. It was very interesting – I learnt about drama triangles, emotional intelligence and Socratic questioning. The trainer was good – he was funny, had some great stories to tell and taught us all we need to know on the subject. And I came away from the course with everything I already (albeit sometimes sub-consciously) knew about myself reinforced to me tenfold.

Apparently, I am a logical person, who makes decisions about my life without much emotion being put into my thought processes. For example, 2011 was a really crap year for me (by the end of it, I could only think of one thing I’d actually achieved and felt proud about achieving!). So for 2012, I decided I would write a list of everything I wanted to achieve in the year and so set about writing it. You’ll be pleased to hear that of the five major goals I set myself, I’ve already succeeded in two (getting a new job that I actually enjoy and booking a holiday with a difference – volunteering in Ghana, as you’ll no doubt know from previous posts). The third is easily within my grasp (if I get the time and money) and involves me getting a tattoo. Perhaps a silly goal, but getting a tattoo is something I’ve wanted to do since I turned 18, and have never done, so 2012 seemed the right time to finally do it.

The other two on my list are slightly more difficult, and involve my writing. This blog has something to do with achieving those goals. However, back to my point. I did not put much emotion into the decisions about my yearly goals – I saw that 2011 had been a bad year and so rationally decided 2012 would be different.

It was also reinforced to me that I am a very diplomatic person. My friends have always told me so – I like to think I’m a reasonably good listener and I try to see things from every point of view. I already knew about that. But I suppose it was nice to be told by my meta-cognitive test results that I am actually as diplomatic as I thought.

That same test proceeded to throw up other stuff I already knew about myself, and the results were generally very balanced. I am neither way up scale or down low, I’m slap bang in the middle. I like to go through life making decisions that don’t get me too emotional, too stressed, too calm, too settled, too distracted… I suppose I am almost boring in my middling in life.

But the test did throw up one result that made me pause and think. My results show that I am a reactive person, rather than proactive. Again, not much difference between the two in my results, but the fact remains that I am more reactive than proactive. In other words, I prefer to look back on the past, base future and current plans on the past, reflect, pause, think about what’s happened before and let that influence my decisions for the future. And one thing really stood out – sometimes, this can stop you achieving the goals you’ve always wanted to achieve. It can hold you back.

To me, there is nothing worse than being held back. I’m an independent person, I like to make my own decisions about my life and nobody else should interfere with that. But what if my reactive persona, the one that looks back and pauses to double check the past before deciding on the future, interferes with my judgements? I don’t mean those small, every day decisions either, like what shall I have for tea or do I want a chocolate bar or a packet of crisps. I’m talking the big decisions, the ones about my work and my career, my love life, my family and friends, my holidays, my entire life. What if I hold myself back?

And since the thought that my decisions may be inhibited by my reactive persona, I decided that perhaps I should be more proactive. Not give up so easily on my ambitions, fight for what I want out of life and generally, don’t be afraid of what’s happened in the past and don’t let it hold me back.

I very recently made a huge decision about my future, and I thought I’d made the right decision too. Now, I’m wondering if the reactive part of me, the dominant half, is holding me back. It’s a scary thought. What if I’ve made the wrong choice? What if I should go for it?

It’s a bit of a battle. I think things over in minuscule detail. In this case, my head is telling me that it’s not the right move to make at the moment – I’m happy how I am right now, and change will come later. I should get what I can out of my life at the moment and enjoy it. But the tiny grain of doubt is playing up – pointing out that it’s a chance, an opportunity, something I’ve wanted for a very long time, begging the question ‘Why are you turning this down?’. The proactive answer – I don’t know. The reactive answer – I can get good things out of where I am at the moment, develop, enhance and better myself.

My head is telling me to change now would be the wrong move. My heart is arguing that not going for it could be the wrong move. The final say goes to my gut instinct – and that’s telling me to stay put. It’s never let me down before, and I’ve trusted it for a long time. Even when friends and relatives have argued against a decision or choice I’ve made, if my gut has been telling me the opposite to what they want me to do, I’ll do it. Luckily, with a few minor exceptions, it’s been right!

I feel lucky that I am able to step back from my emotions and judge the situations in my life in an objective manner. Some people probably would see that as weird, devoid, but I’m pleased I can do it because I think it helps me move forwards in my life. I’m not suggesting I’m a completely emotionless person, far from it (me and my friends often joke about me being the emotional one in the group, bar one, who cries at Eastenders…), but being able to detach can sometimes be really helpful. At least, with work and my career, disengaging from feelings can help me decide what’s best for my future.

With other aspects of life, it becomes a bit harder, but we can all guess why that is. Feelings about a person are far harder to push away than those about a career. A person is another living, breathing, equally complex human being. A career is just in your head, mapped out, emotionless.

With all this in mind, I’m going to carry on as I always have been, but with one minor change. I’m going to consciously try to be a bit more proactive and get as much out of life as I can. So I’m thinking maybe I should get that tattoo I’ve always wanted sooner rather than later… It’d be an ideal thing to start my proactive life with, nothing too big or menacing which will make me run and hide behind the reactive half of my persona. Having said that, I’ve recently begun my course of vaccinations for travelling, and re-discovered my fear of needles and my annoying need to feel faint after each jab… So maybe I should wait just a little while longer before going ahead and booking that tattoo…

And I’ll go with my gut on the big decision I recently made. It’s not let me down before, and I’ve a feeling it won’t this time, either.